With our daughter’s wedding fast approaching (4 weeks tomorrow), it is obviously a stressful time as there are lots of extra demands on my time and decisions to make. I was finding it very stressful not knowing if the wedding would have to be postponed if my husband got the call for his transplant surgery. I know my daughter was too.
Emily and I were making wedding plans, but at the same time also making plans on who and what we would have to cancel, should the need arise. We both couldn’t fully look forward to it. Andy, my husband, was not in the least bit concerned. His advice was that it (the call) probably won’t happen until next year, so just put that worry out of your mind and act as if it won’t happen. Men, bless them, they have no idea! A wedding, to a man is like Christmas. Women “do” Christmas and men have Christmas! He will get his suit the week before and walk her down the aisle – job done. What is all the fuss about? Relax, he says, you worry too much!
I think both Em and I, were coming to realise that if it was cancelled, we would find it hard to have the energy or enthusiasm to re organise it all again. Especially, after supporting Andy through such a major operation, which is bound to be tough for all of us as a family.
All sorts of questions were popping in our heads, such as, do you still go on your honeymoon if you haven’t got married and what do you do about your passport and tickets which will be in your married name and you still legally are a Watkins? Not least, to what do we do with 120 scones and a mountain of chocolate Brownies? I am sure the nurses would have enjoyed them, but I would have had fun taking them on the underground when I went to visit! Then there was feeling responsible, (something I am working on not being) for people who were going to fly in especially from overseas or who had rearranged their holidays to make sure they we back in time for the wedding, spent out on accommodation etc. Not to mention lost deposits and a stack of wedding presents for a non wedding!
But more importantly than me, was Emily trying not to let on she was stressed about it all and not being able to fully look forward to her day. Above all of this, of course, comes Andy’s health. He is stable at the moment and apart from tiredness, he is ok and enjoying life.
So, I decided to ask him if he would temporary suspend himself from the list until after the wedding. I felt really guilty about this, and of course worry how awful it would be if he deteriorated. But, the stress was really impacting me, it is hard going, dual planning all the time. On Emily’s Hen Party, we were at the spa and no phones allowed, so the first thing I did when we got out was check there was no missed call. We have to be at the hospital within two hours and I was at least three hours away. I wouldn’t want him to have to make that journey on his own. So basically, I could sum it up as feeling a huge, oppressive responsibly on my shoulders.
He agreed to come off until the day after the wedding. Of course, if his health gets worse, then he comes first, and goes straight back on. Em and I are so relieved and light of spirit. I actually fell asleep straight away last night, usually it takes me anything up to three hours. Now we can both look forward to it. I was so worried the call would come in the next few weeks and he is expected to be in hospital for 2 – 4 weeks if all goes well. At night, my mind would give me little scenario’s to contemplate, such as, if he gets the call two hours before the service, what will you do? If it comes half an hour before, we could probably do the service, missing out the hymns and lessons and them walking extra quick down the aisle! I saw the wedding on ‘fast forward’ so to speak! You have to keep your sense of humour…
I am working hard to be independent of the good opinion of others. I am accepting that there will be others who have their own take on our decision. They are welcome to it, but I would be grateful if they keep it to themselves.
Anyway, just thought I would share a little bit more of what it is like to live on the transplant list and in my crazy world. As Andy would tell me – I think too much!